do you see that, that burnt colour over there, I remember that colour, it sucked in all the light and made everything dull, it lied about the light, blinding all edges, false colour everywhere, it’s there and here now too and look, there, it’s me, yes there, I can just make myself out, me in that false colour, and there she is, yes as I expected, as I remember, I can see, I can hear what happened, what’s happening, over there, she’s calling it love, but it isn’t, it wasn’t, the colour changed too fast for me to stop it — you can see, can’t you, that I’m flooded, flooded by what’s wrong, by what’s bad, I felt at fault, too far from, too late to, know, how it all, everything, turned wrong around me, look there see, she’s making me hold it, making me wear it, the burnt colour that lies about the light, it’s so heavy the dullness of it, we can feel it from all the way over here, it’s curved all the way around us, full and full of fear — but wait, you are looking in the wrong place, see hold my hand, let me show you, you still can’t, you can’t see any of it can you, none of its shape, no, no you can’t hear it either, this whole time it has only been me speaking, you haven’t said a word, I mean maybe you’re not even really here, no, I know you are, even if you can’t see it, even if you can’t hear it, you hold my hand, as I look, as I listen, as I tend to what’s over there — look something’s different, she’s still there, but I’m different, I can’t quite make myself out, oh no yes, I’m older I think, yes and angry, and I’m shouting, shouting that I hate her, telling her to leave, trying to strip her off me, but still I’m, still so scared, still wearing that lying colour, too small and too tight, so hard to get it off — I think it should end, what’s happening over there, there’s nothing worth seeing, nothing worth hearing, yes that’s right, there’s nothing over there, it’s all empty for me, if I need it to be, the way we like it to be